"Stained by red marks (the spirit of Sari that forced me to confess)."

 

In early 2015, my name is Rudi. I’m 27 years old now. I live in a village in Central Java, and I’m the eldest of three siblings. Atif, my first younger brother, is only two years younger than me and is currently working away in Tangerang with a relative. Noufal, my youngest brother, is 18 years old. He recently graduated from vocational school (SMK) and is now doing an internship at a restaurant not far from our home.

My mother is a traveling vegetable seller. She’s been doing this job for almost 20 years. My father passed away a few years ago. I work as a tent installer for events, and sometimes I also work as a construction laborer in the village.

That morning, I woke up to the sound of a ringing phone next to me. "Hello, Rud..." "Hello... yes, Mas Gopri." "Still waking up, huh? Hurry and get ready... We’re supposed to install the tent at Pak Harto's place." "Oh, gosh... I forgot!" "Alright, hurry up. I’ll wait for you at the warehouse."

I quickly showered and headed to the warehouse to pick up the tent. Fortunately, today we were setting it up at Pak Harto’s house, which wasn’t far from mine. After Mas Gopri, two other friends, and I finished loading the tent, we went straight to Pak Harto’s house to install it.

When I got there, I met Sari, the daughter of Pak Sarmin, who lives next door to Pak Harto. Since Sari and I live in neighboring areas, I already knew her, even though she’s much younger than me.

A few days later, I went back to Pak Harto’s house to dismantle the tent, and I met Sari for the second time. At that time, I didn’t have any special feelings for her, so we just greeted each other casually as neighbors.

Later that night, I received a WhatsApp message that surprised me a little. "Good evening, Mas." "Evening... Sorry, who’s this?" "Umm, it’s Sari, Mas." "Sari...? Pak Sarmin's daughter?" "Hehe... yes, Mas. What are you up to?" That night was the beginning of me getting to know Sari more closely. After a few days of chatting, I asked her out. "Do you have time tomorrow, Ri?" "Why, Mas?" "Nothing... if you do, I’d like to take you out for a walk, hehe." "Sure, Mas. What time?" "Around noon, Ri. Alright, I have to get back to work now."

The next day, I got ready to meet Sari, and that day marked the beginning of me feeling comfortable around her. Sari is very friendly, so it’s easy for her to get along with anyone. With her small frame, fair skin, and sweet face, she could attract anyone’s attention, including mine, as we grew closer.

After about four months of chatting and going out together a few times, I finally decided to confess my feelings to Sari and asked her to be my girlfriend. To my delight, she accepted my feelings. Sari and I became a couple.

After two years of being in a relationship, Sari asked me to come to her house to formally ask for her family’s approval. Nervously, I went to her house to meet her family.

"Assalamualaikum." "Walaikumsalam... Who’s there?" I heard Pak Sarmin’s voice, and soon after, the door opened. "Oh, it’s you, Rud. What brings you here?" "Um, just visiting, Pak. Is Sari home?" I asked as I stood at the door, but I noticed that Pak Sarmin’s welcoming smile changed when I mentioned Sari. "No, she’s out," he said, even though I saw Sari standing by her bedroom door. Feeling uneasy, I quickly excused myself and left.

After that, Sari started acting a little differently. I noticed the change and asked her about it when we went out. "Ri, is something wrong?" "No, nothing’s wrong, Mas," Sari replied with a smile, but the sadness in her face was evident, despite her efforts to act normal and smile.

"What’s going on, Ri?" Sari remained silent and didn’t answer my question. I didn’t press further, worried that she would feel uncomfortable.

For almost a month, Sari had barely contacted me. She used to update me every day. "Hello, Ri..." "Yes, Mas?" "You’ve changed." "Umm, Mas... let’s break up." "Huh? Why?" "My parents don’t approve of us being together, Mas. I’m sorry."

Before I could respond, Sari ended the call.

The next day, I went to Sari’s house. I met her entire family there, as they were all at home.

Before I had a chance to respond, Sari hung up the phone. The next day, I went to Sari's house, and there I met her entire family, who were all at home.

"Assalamualaikum..."
"Walaikumsalam," they replied.
"Pak... Bu..." I greeted them, my emotions already in turmoil.
"What is it?"
"Is Sari here?"
"Yes," Pak Sarmin answered curtly.
"Pak, I want to see Sari," I said, struggling to keep my composure.
"From now on, you don’t need to contact Sari anymore," he said.
"Why, Pak? Bu?"

Before they could answer, Mas Agus (Sari’s relative) came out to meet me, and without hesitation, he punched me in the face.
"You idiot. Now, go home! And if you ever come back, I’ll beat you even worse!" Mas Agus shouted while grabbing my collar.
"Why can’t Sari be with me, Mas?"
"What can you offer her if she’s with you? Don’t drag my niece into a life of poverty!"

I was shocked and fell silent. I eventually left, my head occasionally tilting upward, trying to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Just accept it, Rud... Sari isn’t in your league," I told myself as I walked home.

A few days after visiting Sari’s house, I happened to see her riding on a motorbike with another man. I was at an intersection, helping direct traffic. Sari and the man stopped right next to me. Without any sign of guilt, Sari turned her face away from me as I stood beside her.

By the way, "helping direct traffic" is what we call "ngecrek" here—helping vehicles cross at an intersection.
"Sari..." I greeted her, pretending to be nonchalant, but Sari didn’t look back at all and kept turning away.
"Just accept it, Rud... Sari comes from a well-off family," I told myself again, trying to comfort myself.

The memory of seeing Sari with that man was still fresh in my mind when I saw her again with a different guy. My heart, already shattered, led me to a place where I couldn’t think straight anymore. In a moment of rage, I decided that I wanted to kill Sari and the man she was with. This was the beginning of a lifetime of regret, the beginning of all the events I was about to experience.

This time, I’m sharing a true story—a story of a man’s regret. A man who fought for the one he loved, only to have his hopes for happiness turn into a tale of sorrow.